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sweet owner  
| I write because ...  "You only write about sad things.”
You see, that is where people have me wrong. I don’t write about sad things, I just write when I am sad. I write because it is familiar and comforting. I write because the press of pen on paper and the clicking sound of keyboards; they chip away my anxiety bit by bit. I write because I want the toxicity of my demons to leave my body and not drown in my own mind. I don’t really mind about the words not sounding nice strung together in a sentence, I write because I need to feel something other than sad. Yes, sometimes I do write with tears blurring my vision and my hands too shaky to scrawl proper alphabets onto paper. I write because it gives me a tiny bit of control, a little structure and order to the constant chaotic voice in my mind. The little whisper of a voice that puts the blame of every details thing and the burden of what could have beens and what ifs on my shoulder. Piling up my ridiculous fears one on top the other until my back can’t bear it any longer and snaps. I don’t only write about sad things, I write about familiar things.
I write because it is a mechanism to feel something more than just sad and because you see, for someone who is often too much of something; somehow I manage to be not enough for anything. Funny ain’t it? I don’t only write about sad things, I write when my heart flutters a little too fast lately and when my stomach felt queasy from the fluttering of butterflies. I write because I need to calm myself down because this feeling is so foreign to me, I needed to find my footing again after fleeting touches and cheeky smirks swept me off my feet. I write because I don’t know if I should put on my impervious armour around my heart again and risk the pain of falling again. After all, I still had the scars on the palms of my hand from picking up the jagged broken pieces of my heart from the last time I took off my bulletproof will to not fall for another being. So no, I don’t only write about sad things.
Life is never a straight road; there will be detours, there will be a road blocks; but remember, it's a journey of faith. Trust the Almighty fully in all conditions. It's a part of our test. Understand His Plan.
Love,
Asyiqin Zuhapri.
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